We have been trained to believe that when we want to do something the first step is to just start doing it.

Want to lose weight? Start a diet.
Want to tone up? Hit the gym.
Want to eat better? Buy Organic.

What if everything we have been taught about behaviour change is WRONG?

What if there is more to creating lasting change than just making a decision and pushing yourself straight into action around it.

I know it seems natural that if we want to change something, we would start with doing something different. The problem with that approach is that the action rarely ever sticks for long because our WILLPOWER to continue doing it runs out before the new habit is fully formed.

What is so different about my approach to creating lasting change with your relationship to alcohol?

I DON’T FOCUS ON THE BEHAVIOUR! I focus on HOW YOU FEEL.

The biggest myth out there is that when you find yourself in a place where you are drinking more than you want to be, the next step is cutting back.

“Just quit,” says your loved ones.

“Everything will get better if I can drink less, learn to moderate, or just stop blacking out!” you say to yourself.

We have been taught that if we WANT something, we have to take MASSIVE ACTION and go get it.

What if I told you that the key to ditching booze and truly feeling aligned with your choice (so you can make it stick) is to STOP TRYING TO QUIT.

Sounds crazy right?

Hear me out, think about how much extra energy is put into the thought process around creating a significant change in your life. When you start the diet, how much time do you spend thinking about all the foods you now CAN’T have.

When you decide to start working out, isn’t it true that then everything we think about is focused around getting to the gym… often creating excuses for all the reasons you don’t have time. You decide you want to start a new workout routine, so you go and buy a gym membership. You hit the gym, HARD and feel great about your first day! Then when you wake up sore and stiff you naturally make up every excuse not to go back that day. One day turns into a few more. Everyday you don’t go, you beat yourself up, telling yourself you SHOULD go. Knowing you want to, but still making excuses for why not today.

Why do we do that?

I get it, we all do it, and that’s why I want to tell you that if you want to change something about your behaviour, you have to change the way you FEEL about it for it to actually become a new habit that sticks without so much effort.

Here’s where you should start when you want to control alcohol.

#1 Start Learning Something New.

Do you know everything there is to know about alcohol?
Do you know what happens in your system when you decide to take that first sip?
Do you know what hormones run cascading through your body and how they affect your mood?
Did you know that willpower is a muscle that can be exhausted and the more we rely on it in different situations the harder it is to count on it?

You have to be open to the idea that you don’t know what you don’t know, and get curious about what alcohol is, on a chemical level, how it changes your body, and what happens when we drink it over an extended period of time.

For example, did you know drinking alcohol flips your prefrontal cortex offline, making it impossible to use your reasoning and decision making center?

Or that alcohol creates an artificially high spike of dopamine (the wanting molecule) followed by high levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and dynorphin (a system depressant) - which is what makes us want that second, third and fourth drink - making it damn near impossible to have just one because we are always chasing the euphoric high of that first drink?

Or that alcohol before bed disrupts our ability to enter REM sleep - the deep sleep we all need to cleanse, purify, and heal our body - making us feel tired and foggy during the day?

The learning part is imperative to start changing the way we FEEL about alcohol.

#2 When we learn something new, we begin to feel a different way.

When you know alcohol is made up of the same chemical compound as the ethanol in your gas tank it begins to erode the trust you have that it's harmless and good for you.

When learning how alcohol is interacting in your body, you begin to see things differently. If you know why you can’t have just one, you might rethink the desire to have even one. Effectively creating space to have less drinking days.

When you begin to understand that alcohol is an addictive drug, period, you may start to feel less inclined to take casual drinks with friends at lunch and opt in for a healthier alcohol free alternative like a shrub soda, or oj instead of the mimosa.

See how this works?

We are smart people, when we start to learn something new, it naturally changes the way we feel about the old information. Our experience is shaped by our perceptions and knowledge.

THEN, once we start to notice a change in our thought patterns and beliefs around alcohol, can we start working towards changing the behaviour.

#3 Start the habit change.

Remember the old adage, ‘Slow and Steady Wins the Race’?

Recognize that this is a process. We have to identify our triggers that make us drink and go through a process of creating “seeds” and “switches” that effectively change the action we would normally take, and start creating the new and improved habit of choice.

When we really get into the process of behaviour change we are training our minds to enjoy and eventually come to expect the new desirable action. We have to effectively build trust within ourselves and continue to choose something different for the behaviour to stick. This is when the POSITIVE emotion comes into play, because if we are feeling miserable about the action, the likelihood of that becoming a habit is slim.

So, first we commit to what I call, a ‘microbreak’ from alcohol. This short break, maybe as little as 1 day, maybe more like a week (it really depends on your current behaviour), will help you start to see how you feel when you aren’t drinking, in comparison to the days you are drinking.

We get curious, we notice how we feel throughout the day. How was your sleep? Do you feel more energetic? How is your anxiety level? If you have a coach, this is something you can discuss with them, otherwise it’s beneficial to write it down for yourself so that you can revisit it as time goes on.

Then we start stacking these microbreaks and take longer breaks, seeing the benefits of being alcohol free for longer lengths of time, this is called lengthening.

When you have achieved a few shorter breaks and have started to build more trust within yourself and feel confident to try a 30 day break, we set the dates and work to stay curious about what you might learn during this time.

How do you feel about your productivity, clarity and focus? How is your confidence? Are you feeling more rested and less depressed? Do you feel more like your old self, the one that didn’t rely on alcohol to make them feel better?

During this 30 day break you take in everything you learn as data. Information to be collected and help you sort out if alcohol is worth keeping in your life.

Keep an open mind that maybe, just maybe, you are just as much fun WITHOUT alcohol.

At this point in reading, your brain is probably throwing up a pile of resistance based on what you think you know about your situation and relationship with alcohol. That’s absolutely normal, but I have a ton of scientific evidence to back up why this method of behaviour change works, and why it creates sustainable change over time.

If you want to cut back and nothing has worked for you in the past, if you think you should quit drinking but feel like a failure because what you're doing isn’t working.. I could bet that you are trying to start with the action. That you are probably beating yourself up when you can’t manage to follow through, and you are likely dreading every second of any break you take from alcohol, feeling totally deprived and like you are missing out. This is making alcohol the forbidden fruit that you “can’t” have and then wondering why you can’t manage to stay away from it for long.

Listen, I tried 3 times to take a break from alcohol and every time I failed miserably, making me want to drink even more and then feel absolutely terrible about myself. Every time I said I would do it but then couldn’t, it broke the confidence and trust I had with myself. It got to the point that I started to feel like maybe I WAS an alcoholic, and maybe I would never be able to quit without AA.

Now, I know why it didn’t work, no matter how much I grit my teeth and tried to power through. That’s what I am here to share with you today.

The key to freedom from alcohol, to getting to the point where you feel NO DESIRE to drink, IS to quit trying to quit. Free up the mental space, and commit to trying something different. Decide to stop beating yourself up. Learn something new, stay curious about how you feel while on a break, and then start stacking microbreaks and lengthening into longer ones.

This works to effectively create a new habit based on feeling a new way about alcohol!

That is when it becomes easier than ever to live happily alcohol free.